Q: Why on earth would you talk about your BPD diagnosis? Aren’t you ashamed of it?
A: To start with, no, I’m not ashamed of it. I see my diagnosis the way I see the fact that I’m tall, or the fact that I’m gradually losing my hearing and my hair. These are just descriptions of me, or of qualities that I currently have. ‘Balding’ isn’t me, it’s just something that I’m experiencing right now. I’ve decided to write about my life with BPD because I have long used writing as a way to work out what I think about life, and BPD is part of my life that I’m trying to figure out.
Q: Okay, but if you’re not ashamed of it, then why is this blog anonymous? Keeping your identity secret sure makes it look like you’re ashamed.
A: It’s something to do with the difference between secrecy and privacy. My identity would be pretty easy to figure out, if someone really wanted to, so I don’t think it’s really a secret. However, there is a fair amount of alarmist information and misinformation out there about Borderline (and other personality disorders), so I don’t really want (for instance) people I work with to know that I’m dealing with this issue. I also think that I’ll be able to write in a less self-conscious way if I’m anonymous. Someday I might move these posts to my main blog and ‘out’ myself as someone with BPD. I haven’t decided yet. This is all pretty new to me.
Q: Why write in public at all? There are professionals writing about BPD, and you admit that you don’t really know anything about the condition; how can you add anything to it?
A: Descriptions of BPD tend to focus on people suffering with the most extreme forms of the disorder. There’s a wide range of symptoms, and I’m probably on the quieter/milder end of that range. I think that my musings might come in useful for others trying to figure out where they fit in the ‘BPD spectrum’. However… if no one else ever reads these posts, I’m fine with that, too. Honestly, I’m writing mainly as a way to organize my own thoughts.
Oh, one postscript: I’ve seen several times in descriptions of BPD that it tends to be less prevalent in older folks. I’m guessing that I’ve learned some practical ways of dealing with this disorder, and I may be a better example of someone in recovery from BPD than someone in the throes of it. That may be useful to others, though; it might be really handy for someone to think; what would it be like to be well, or at least getting better?