Okay. So. I usually try to write coherent articles for this blog, but I can’t find much coherence in my mind today. But I also know that writing my thoughts out often helps me understand them better, and settles some of the internal chaos, so I’m just going to write. I usually hope that people … Continue reading Therapy Diary for May 31, 2020
Fragility and Strength
The demand that we be strong all the time leads to errors of thinking and to errors of goal-setting. It is based on the idea that we can avoid damage or injury by being too tough to hurt. It keeps us from exploring the possibilities inherent in delicacy. We tell ourselves that we must be … Continue reading Fragility and Strength
118 Hours
"...the invitation of zen practice is to see everything as important. But to do so we have to have a basic capacity to hold difficult experience without pushing it away. That is why it is so important to sit on a daily basis. To learn to hold tension, or impatience, or anger, or sadness, or … Continue reading 118 Hours
The Fearful Dog and the Happy Dog
I was thinking yesterday about the story I see online every couple years, the one that talks about how the wolf you feed is the one that wins. It occurred to me that my brain is like two dogs, not two wolves. If you've ever met a dog that was mistreated when it was younger, … Continue reading The Fearful Dog and the Happy Dog
Validation, Perception, Interpretation, Binary Thinking, and the Weedy Garden
I've been wanting to write a new blog post for a few weeks, but haven't been able to find a 'hook' that will let me get started. My writing output is intermittent because I generally only write when I get angry, or have had an insight of some sort. Even then, I have to get … Continue reading Validation, Perception, Interpretation, Binary Thinking, and the Weedy Garden
Patience, Juggling, and Other People: Therapy Diary for October 30, 2019
It has been nearly a week since my last therapy session. It was a particularly enlightening session, and I had so much to write about, but a combination of being busy and a reluctance (manifested in procrastination) to actually sit down and write has led me to this frustrating situation where I've forgotten most of … Continue reading Patience, Juggling, and Other People: Therapy Diary for October 30, 2019
Colors (a SF story which in no way is meant to be an allegory*)
Roxxy woke up one morning to discover that all of the paint in the world had gone mad. Really, it wasn't even just paint. Every color had shifted a few degrees to the left, so to speak. She first noticed the walls of her room, though, where the slightly off-white had changed to a light … Continue reading Colors (a SF story which in no way is meant to be an allegory*)
Subvert the Dysfunction: Therapy Diary for September 7, 2019
How much of the trouble inside my head is caused — or at least made worse — by bad habits? My reflexive reactions to things like perceived slights or simple frustrations get blown up into fantastical threats. I think that it is time to revisit my DBT Handbook and the DBT cards. Now that I … Continue reading Subvert the Dysfunction: Therapy Diary for September 7, 2019
Deck Chairs on the Titanic — Therapy Diary for September 5, 2019 (Part Two)
Learning how to change myself is not just a matter of having a realization. It is also a case of deconstructing my existing reaction patterns and gradually replacing them with more-functional patterns. During today's session, it occurred to me that my brittle reaction patterns may be based on fear. In turn, this defensive posture creates … Continue reading Deck Chairs on the Titanic — Therapy Diary for September 5, 2019 (Part Two)
Therapy Diary for September 5, 2019
(from a stream of consciousness moment during Thursday's session) Words to describe how I often react to the world: Brittle Inflexible Fragile Unachievable Unrealistic Hollow Inhuman (inhumane?) expectations Unfair to myself and others MaskMannequinFrameworks that everything must fit within.MatricesDefensive Words to describe how I'd prefer reacting: Organic Flowing Like bamboo Growing