I have discovered that I have a need for organization that must be satisfied, but it can be satisfied, and then I can't do much organizing after that. When I was in my 20s & 30s I had mostly ‘dead end’ jobs, work that didn’t need any creativity or problem-solving (which I like), & perhaps … Continue reading Organizational Token Bank is Empty
Author: Moss
A guy who is writing about his therapy and learning techniques for dealing with BPD.
Three A.M. Catastrophizing & BPD
I recently read a fascinating blog post called 'Why do we wake around 3am and dwell on our fears and shortcomings?' The author, Greg Murray, mentions 'barbed-wire thinking,' meaning thoughts you get caught up in. He describes why your thinking at 3 a.m. tends to be so problematic. This section really grabbed my attention: "we also … Continue reading Three A.M. Catastrophizing & BPD
Therapy Diary, August 28, 2021
One of the greatest benefits of therapy for me is being able to see my disordered thinking & reactions not as shameful failure, but as traces of old coping patterns that might, with gentle care, be untangled. I knew a guy years ago who had been in a car wreck as a teen and had … Continue reading Therapy Diary, August 28, 2021
Anxiety & Catastrophic Thinking – Therapy Diary, March 4, 2021
No therapy this week, but I had a bad night last night, and thought I would jot down a few notes. We have always had cats, since before we got married, but the six-month-old brother & sister pair who showed up on our porch 15 months ago are unusual in how loving they are. The … Continue reading Anxiety & Catastrophic Thinking – Therapy Diary, March 4, 2021
Insert Pithy Title Here: Therapy Diary, Feb. 18-27, 2021
Last week's therapy session was very intense. I wanted to write about it that very evening, but I worked late, and by the time we finished supper I was too tired to write. I also felt that I had to write something impressive for my friend L, and since I couldn't picture what I'd write … Continue reading Insert Pithy Title Here: Therapy Diary, Feb. 18-27, 2021
Why I’m taking a break from martial arts
Note: I've been training at a martial arts dojo several times a week for the last six years. After seven months or so of remote learning via video feed, I realized that I was getting very tense and resistant to attending training. After thinking about it for a couple of months, I decided to take … Continue reading Why I’m taking a break from martial arts
Therapy Diary for May 31, 2020
Okay. So. I usually try to write coherent articles for this blog, but I can’t find much coherence in my mind today. But I also know that writing my thoughts out often helps me understand them better, and settles some of the internal chaos, so I’m just going to write. I usually hope that people … Continue reading Therapy Diary for May 31, 2020
Subvert the Dysfunction: Therapy Diary for September 7, 2019
How much of the trouble inside my head is caused — or at least made worse — by bad habits? My reflexive reactions to things like perceived slights or simple frustrations get blown up into fantastical threats. I think that it is time to revisit my DBT Handbook and the DBT cards. Now that I … Continue reading Subvert the Dysfunction: Therapy Diary for September 7, 2019
Deck Chairs on the Titanic — Therapy Diary for September 5, 2019 (Part Two)
Learning how to change myself is not just a matter of having a realization. It is also a case of deconstructing my existing reaction patterns and gradually replacing them with more-functional patterns. During today's session, it occurred to me that my brittle reaction patterns may be based on fear. In turn, this defensive posture creates … Continue reading Deck Chairs on the Titanic — Therapy Diary for September 5, 2019 (Part Two)
Therapy Diary for September 5, 2019
(from a stream of consciousness moment during Thursday's session) Words to describe how I often react to the world: Brittle Inflexible Fragile Unachievable Unrealistic Hollow Inhuman (inhumane?) expectations Unfair to myself and others MaskMannequinFrameworks that everything must fit within.MatricesDefensive Words to describe how I'd prefer reacting: Organic Flowing Like bamboo Growing