I mean... seriously. "Life is suffering." "Suffering can be overcome." That using tools like... the right understanding, the correct thoughts, the right speech, correct action, the right livelihood, correct effort, mindfulness, and concentration helps you overcome suffering. The idea that the word 'suffering' can also be translated as 'disordered thinking.' That the self is an … Continue reading The Buddha was a Borderline
Category: Musings
I think there’s a frightened kid living in my head.
After last week's therapy session, I found myself stuck on an idea: That I don't, in fact, have BPD, but am just a self-indulgent, overgrown child. The 'evidence' that I compiled in support of this hypothesis includes: When I'm feeling down I will do things like eating sweets to the point of being ill. I … Continue reading I think there’s a frightened kid living in my head.
I need community. I don’t trust it.
Last summer, a friend sent me a book* on how the rise of depression in modern society is likely related to a decline in deep personal relationships. The author did a lot of research, talking to experts in depression around the world, and it makes a lot of sense to me. Separately, a steady thread … Continue reading I need community. I don’t trust it.
The Hollow Man.
I started therapy last September, and soon afterward I started having images of myself as a mask with hollow eye sockets. It was 1983 the first time that I told someone that I felt hollow. This is not new. The difference is, I'm not shut down any longer. Being in therapy has started stripping off … Continue reading The Hollow Man.
From Minus Five to Plus Five
My therapist asked me how severe a particular depressive episode had been, and I started thinking about those pain scales they use in hospitals, and how I could adapt one to be useful for our conversations. This is mostly/kinda/sorta in jest, but who knows. Here's my first draft. The Moss Depression/Hypomania Scale -5: I'm in … Continue reading From Minus Five to Plus Five
Learning Forgiveness
I found an amazing bit in Jack Kornfield's book Meditation for Beginners that reads: Forgiveness is not about condoning what happened. [...] Forgiveness is also a matter of letting go of the past and knowing that even though something was wrong, the way to go forward is to start over. It is also important to … Continue reading Learning Forgiveness
Hesitation
He who hesitates is lost, or so the aphorism goes. However, in the face of an overwhelming emotion or a frightening, threatening event, I’ve found that a slight hesitation can make the critical difference between doing something I regret and doing something skillful. For the last four years, I have been studying a martial art … Continue reading Hesitation
Dreams of Transformation
I have no idea why the idea of transformation keeps occurring to me. I’ve been thinking about it for at least a month. I’m very wary of such ideas. I saw an article today which jokingly referred to DBT as “Don’t Believe your Thoughts,” and the idea of transformation is one I am particularly skeptical … Continue reading Dreams of Transformation